4-7-24

If I truly believe that everything is going to be okay, I can start living that way. I truly do believe everything is going to be okay. So why aren’t I living like it is?

I am the biggest scaredy cat. I don’t believe I’m worthy of love. I’m afraid of my own knowledge and my strange abilities. I’m afraid of my power. What if God isn’t happy with the way I am using it?

I suppose the best I can do is simply do my best. I have excellent insight into what the darkness does to us. I worry sometimes that I know more than God intended me to know, due to my own curiosity and not as a result of his gifting. There was a time I ran away. During that time I picked up some strange spiritual abilities. My best guess is spiritual discernment but I believe pagans refer to it as “reading”. To them, it is a psychic power, but to me psychic refers to devil worship. So I’m not sure I’m supposed to be using this ability, or at least, I’m not confident without training provided by the Holy Spirit.

But I’m not sure how I got off on that last tangent.

Right, how to live like everything truly is okay. Jesus, obviously.

How do I fall on you every single time and you’re not leaving?

I read somewhere that God once told either Solomon or David that He would dwell in a dark cloud. That revealed so much to me about the nature of God and his willingness to go into dark places for the people he loves. Because how can you pull a person out of a dark place without going there too? That’s real love.